


The Study of Death (And All That Follows)

by PixelPaint



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, F/F, Fluff, Ghosts, Haunting, Jaspis is only side, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Ouija Board, Panic, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Talking To Dead People, lapidot - Freeform, truthfully a lot is just lapis freaking out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-06-03 07:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6602872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixelPaint/pseuds/PixelPaint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly three years and one week after a tragic accident, Lapis Lazuli seeks closure and answers. After she eventually turns to a less devout method of contact, and although successful, the truth and reality may not be what she wanted. On top of the reopened wounds, Lapis has to balance college, her job, a crazy girlfriend, and now face the ghost of her dead best friend, and all that the gross reality entails.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Three Years and One Week Later...

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Yes, I'm starting another fic against all better judgement, but I've had the idea for a while so I'll just get this out as well. This idea has probably been done before, so I'll do my best to spice it up and change it as much as I can without deviating from the plot I've already set out.
> 
> Alright, I hope you enjoy this!
> 
> By the way, all other chapters will be longer than this exposition.

_Three Years and One Week_

**____________________**

There was an unmistakable feeling of ominous dread in the air that night. Something deeper than the calm before the storm. Eerie, if the word could begin to define the feeling that slipped its icy finger along the spines of the two who sat, now in the dead of night, alone.

“Come on, it’ll be fine.” She cooed, flipping off the last light while at the same time hiding her of feelings of anxiousness. Those were the fated last words of any average idiot, true, but Lapis Lazuli was no idiot.

“Lapis… I don’t know about this…” the friend of the girl who was self-proclaimed to not be an idiot, was even less of an idiot. She shook a little, and had the normal reaction of anyone about to do anything that could be defined as stupid, or reckless.

A match scratched against its box, a ragged noise followed by a warm light that only seemed to add the to looming feeling that press against their chests. At an agonizingly slow pace, the match was lifted to a white candle, then another, and another. After what seemed like ages of watching, the features of the two women were outlined from underneath by the dreadfully warm glow of fire.

“Come on, we’re 21 now Pearl. We can handle it.” Lapis urged, hiding her own nervous eyes under her jet colored bangs. “Besides, aren’t you the one who went into that creepy-ass abandon hospital for that one project a few years ago?”

“I mean,” The girl fought for words before sighing, running her slender fingers through reddish hair, a nervous habit the girl had. “Yes, but this is different. It feels different.” She paused again, taking a deep breath. “Lapis, I’m not superstitious usually, but please hear that I have a very bad feeling about this.”

The other’s response was nothing but a shrug. “Alright, I’ll do it alone.”

This incited a new spark of panic in her friend. They both knew the rules.

Never leave the planchette on the board.

Take the game seriously.

Always say goodbye.

And in this case, the rule that was about to be broken: Never use the board alone.

They both knew the rules, and had gone over them several times when the sun still gleamed at the windowsill that now glistened with frost and moonlight.

“Lazuli, no!” She hissed through clenched teeth. “I would rather do it with you than leave you alone.”

Lapis flashed a toothy grin, again masking how she felt. “Good idea.”

The three candles continued to cast their doomed light upon their faces, bright and beautifully dancing, yet all but sanguine.

“So…” The shorter murmured, now overtaken by a feeling of unsureness.

A wooden board, worn with age, but still gleaming with disuse taunted the two. Scrolling, inky black letters urged them, yet rejected them at the same time. All the stories of those who had used boards like this one, and all that had gone wrong, began to play at their minds, brimming them with uncertainty. Doubt tickled the mind of Lapis Lazuli, mainly.

What if this didn’t solve her problem? What if they got _worse_? What if all this ouija board shit was nothing but that, just bullshit?

The planchette now echoed the jeers given to them by the board. Her solution to her dragging plight extended now just beyond answers and some twisted sort of closure, but to a dare as well now. Was she brave enough to do this?

Damn straight she was. With the smallest gasp of air, her fingers darted to grasp around the small piece of wood. Lapis soon beat her own thoughts, crushing them with the weight of the planchette on the board, with a resounding clack as she forced it down. The tanned fingers of the woman remained now, icy cold as if all heat had been terrified back into her body.

Her silent battle with herself ceased, as she could no longer turn back. She was doing this, with Pearl, blissfully absent of her own terror and caught up in the lesser fear of the supernatural, beside her. If only ghosts were all that Lapis feared.

“Pearl,” She fought to keep her voice steady. “Put the charm on the planchette?”

Flashing a glance at her, the pale girl complied, letting a thin chain attached to a small, silver object dangling from it, slip gently from her lengthy fingers onto the wood. The candlelight leapt to meet it, sending bright beams of sheer melancholy off of it. Pearl followed the suit of Lapis, tentatively placing her fingers onto the planchette.

And they sat by the ouija board, a mixture of terror and doubt swirling around the two. For just a moment, everything hung silent, and calm, unperturbed by the scene displayed in the center of the small, damned bedroom. The moonlight dared not to show itself into such a place, once a happy place of memories and laughter and sleepovers without sleep, but like a heart without a beat. Something was missing from it, and seemed empty, something didn’t work, and it no longer offered the sense of happiness and comfort, and the feeling of laughter. Sleep still did not happen in that room, but for a different reason beside the constant chatter, whisper, and secrets. The sleeplessness was sourced by something much darker inside her own mind.

Lapis shattered the silence.

“Is there anybody here?” she called into the silence. Pearl gazed up at her worriedly.

“Lapis, are you… Sure? This doesn’t seem like something you would do for fu-”

“Shh.” Regret followed her hissing, somewhat rude, gesture. Her friend looked hurt, but shut her mouth as requested.

After no response, the girl, woman now, spoke again. “Is there anyone there?”

Silence, no movement stirred the board.

“Are… _You_ … here?” Lapis’s tone dropped suddenly, hushed and addressing something directly.

The movement came. Pearl fought back a squeak of fear, and the other set her face, stone cold and hard like that awful-

_Yes._

It read, before she could finish her thought. Whether she should feel victorious or frightened balanced on the tip of her consciousness as she prepared to speak. But before she could respond, it moved again, spelling words as it swirled from letter to letter.

_Y, O, U._ It paused, _C, H, A, N, G, E, D._ Another pause. _Y, O, U, R, H, A, I, R._

After the wood stopped shuffling and spinning, she made sense of those chilling words. _You changed your hair._

Dread filled her, along with something similar to pure panic, guilt maybe. Her voice quaked now, if able to make sound even, and Pearl’s fingers shook uncontrollably. A chill had set upon the room, but the girls could not tell it was reality or their panicked minds.

“What color was it before?” Start simple.

_Blue._

A fearful uncertainty grasped her chest. This really was happening, of her own accord, of course.

“How old were you when you died?”

The light scraping noise of the wooden triangle responded.

_17._

The chills that crept along her neck intensified. Dare she ask how? No. Not yet, that would be too soon for her.

By now, Pearl was leaving her unaware state of the situation, and gaining cognition of what was going on. She wasn't mad, but the pale woman looked more shocked with those wide blue eyes.

Lapis continued. “When did you die?” She said, in a voice no louder than a whisper.

_3 years and 1 week ago._ the spirit spelled out, painfully slow.

The exactness of the date, her own 18th birthday. Tears welled at her eyes, completely sure now. Though she had been the one to summon, she had not prepared herself for this in all honesty. How stupid, stupid of her. That glimmering charm, shattering that horrible candlelight had worked.

Lapis sat for a moment in silence, taking in the world around her as it shrank just the tiniest bit. The room was colder, and the candles danced alone wispily. Her friend looked mortified, staring at the board wide-eyed. She was stupid for bringing Pearl into this, wasn't she? Whatever, it was not her who was doing the talking.

“D-did you know me?”

_yes._

The single word, yes. Lead filled her face, preventing it from reacting at all. Solid, heavy.

“What is… Or was… Your name?” The girl whispered, feeling suddenly tiny. Time slowed to a miniscule pace as the planchette eased its way along the board, individually landing on letters, each letter adding to the growing feeling of utter horror. Despair filled her as the letters connected in the minds of the two women, who were barely into college.

_Peridot Viridia Olivine._

That name hit harder than any truck, and deeper than any ocean. The charm had succeeded, and now faced with victory of what she had attempted, she froze. Lapis had planned what to say and asked, everything, but she couldn't do that with Pearl here. No, this was too much for her newer friend to know. Too deep, a deep scar that had been kept hidden by bandages could not be torn open again without bleeding its consequences everywhere. This was stupid, idiotic, she told herself.

In a panic, she grasped the planchette herself now, and thrust it to goodbye. The door shut, and the chill that had encased the room at a slow, unnoticable pace, vanished. Tears threatened her azure eyes, which glanced around the room. Her taller companion rested her hand on the shoulder, removing the planchette before offering any consolation.

Lapis shook still as her friend went to turn on the lights. The new brightness the room took on offered no peace to her, and Pearl guided her to the couch where she then held the tan girl in a shaky embrace.

Exhausted by her stress and current sobbing, she eventually fell asleep with the lights still on. Pearl made no attempt to fix that, staying and stroking the raven colored hair of the girl.

She had been so fucking _stupid_ , thinking she could forget, or be near okay after only 3 years.

As sleep tempted her mind, only three thoughts occupied her mind. The gleaming of the light on the charm. The name of Peridot Viridia Olivine and it’s owner. Lastly, her mind flashed the image, that horrible image of blood droplets like gems in the dying light, and the complete emptiness of death that often encountered her late at night. The effect of the true emptiness still clawed at her mind over 3 years later, an illiteral haunting that seemed to trail her and attack the woman when she was least expecting it.

And regrets, guilt, and an overwhelming empty feeling that had been eating her away for three years now. Using the ouija board was stupid, and she knew it very well. It had reopened a wound from years ago. In a matter of sheer minutes that lasted a lifetime, it had been done, and the tearing of the wound was irreversible. 

However, no one could deny that it had not worked, and no one could predict the outcome of such a rash and ill-prepared meeting.

Through her short and fitful rest, the charm remained in the hand of the girl, the image of a small paw-print being pressed into the cold skin.


	2. Reflections Aren't Always Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis receives a face-to-face visit from Peridot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so that took a while. I'll speed up my writing on this story and my others soon, I had a bit of a rough patch but it's mostly good now.
> 
> So first, I know Food Lion stores actually aren't open 24/7, but for the sake of fanfiction...
> 
> Also, it may be worth mentioning that I'll be putting the time since Peridot's death in a lot of places, and at the beginning of each chapter so that's what that date is.

Three Years, One Week, and One Day.

____________________

Lapis woke up before the sun had peaked over the horizon, and the frost still glowed on the window, reflecting the dim light from the approaching sun. A charm was still plastered into her hand, warmed by her slight body heat now. A paw was imprinted into her hand from the pressure, which shown red on her tan skin. The girl, with care, took the paw charm and replaced it onto the chain around her own neck that already donned a small silver fish.

Her paler companion was still sitting, but asleep now as Lapis Lazuli had been herself. The tall girl was snoring gently, lips cracked open to allow air into her lungs as they rhythmically followed the heartbeat.

Memories of her ordeal from last night flooded her mind yet again, reminding her of the idea she had had. The utterly stupid idea to use a Ouija Board to contact Peridot. Said stupid idea had worked, but it left the user a mess. She heaved her chest, knowing that sleep would not grace her again. It was a short-lived bliss that had indulged her for a short time, brought out only when she was at her worst, or near-worst. Upon this movement, Pearl shifted and she immediately froze, careful not to alert her anymore.

Through her silence, and inability to move for waking Pearl, the woman pondered her surroundings. It wasn’t horribly wrong, and there were no physical signs of disruption, yet something felt very different in the air. Something as simple as a one-degree temperature shift, or the slight chill that always leaked from the window of her mom’s house was just slightly stronger or weaker. The odd noticing clung to the room, and danced across the walls, like shadows.

Lapis flinched, suddenly noticing a shadow from the corner of her eye, the inspiration for her description that had gone unnoticed until confronted. As she twitched, it seemed to disappear as Pearl finally woke.

Now she was so worked up she was imagining things.

“Sorry, P…” She muttered, adjusting her voice to use.

The feeling of abnormality grew overwhelmingly strong for a moment, before the groggy girl began to move, and it virtually disappeared.

‘S’okay.” The usually poised woman responded, rubbing her eyes as she propped herself up. “It’s pretty early…” She looked at the clock.

Lapis followed the others’ eyes to glance at the clock as well, before bugging her eyes.

“Shoot, sorry Pearl, but I have to get back to campus, and then work!” She was wide awake suddenly, peeling herself off the couch, and past the board that lay in it’s two parts, unused as of now. She was make a mental note to put away the board and planchette later.

“Oh, no problem…” She yawned “I should head back down too, it’s a shame that your mom was out of town this time. I always love seeing Ms. Diamante.”

“Well, me too, but she’s always out on business. C’est la vie.” In fact. The last time Ms. Diamonte was home for a long period of time was approximately around three years and one week ago, a day after it happened.

“Hey, it's understandable.” Her friend stood as well, stretching her graceful arms. “Work’s important as well. So do you wanna head back together, or separately?” The woman inquired.

It took Lapis a bit to think before she could respond. “I think I'll head down by myself, I have to quickly neaten up the place for when my mom gets home, or when I come back.”

“Reasonable as well. I guess… Bye?” She said it as more of a question than a leave-taking.

Lapis brought her hand to her shoulder in a sort of self massage, as sleeping on the couch didn't exactly amount to much comfort. “Yeah, I guess. We live like, next door, so don't sound like I'll never see you again. Don't sound so certain.” The girl teased lightly, at the obvious uncertainty in the other’s voice. It was true, they were neighbors, and in the previous year, randomly assigned roommates. They would have roomed again and gotten an apartment if it weren't for Lapis getting a girlfriend, and living with her for the time being. Pearl and Lapis had a class together, which they often took advantage of their close proximity to study.

“See you later!” Pearl called, lugging her small bag over her shoulder, having changed when Lapis was lost in thought. The other girl seemed to have been doing her special method of ignoring the problem, and hoping it went away, the problem being the black-haired girl herself. She didn't blame her, it was a mess, so she let the other leave without bringing last night’s fiasco up again.

Now it was just Lapis, her thoughts, and the board. She heard to door close, signaling the official exit of Pearl. The girl thought for a while, pondering what she could do. She could shower, or possibly clean up. Get ready, or maybe leave a surprise for her mother when she returned in a week or so. Ms. Lazuli spent most of her time away from home, living in fancy hotels for her job. Where most people had vacations, her mother had periods of time at home, now often spent alone with her daughter at college.

She made her decision to shower, first, to freshen up a little. There was an estimated hour and a half before she had to catch the train to go back, and she could clean up in maybe ten minutes.

The girl crept toward her closet, inching further and further. She herself didn’t know the reason for her tentativity, but when she finally peered into it, nothing was there. The air from last night had dulled a little, but still clung to the air like perfume. She quickly snatched an outfit, before shutting the door.

Taking a breath, she surveyed the scene of her room. It was relatively large, due to her mother’s high-paying job, and the floor was still decorated with the old board. Why did her mom even have that? Lapis pushed away the question, making an impromptu decision to put it away before showering. However, no relief came when she slid it into the tearing cardboard box and returned it to the unused cabinet where the family had once kept games that they would occasionally play together. The board had never been used as a typical family game, or used by her at all, even.

She returned to her room, which now spread out without the wooden board in the center. The sofa in the corner was messy with last night’s ordeal, the pillows out of array, and the dents from their bodies still in pressed into the soft cushion. Her bed lay unused and made, it’s sheets a chaotically beautiful mess of blues contorted into a wavy pattern. These same sheets had been here for four years, and she refused to change them, resulting in washing them often. It was these sheets where she had spent countless hours making memories with her almost-sister.

The feeling of emptiness returned as tears yet again welled at her blue eyes. No, this was not the time for her to get like this again. She had to get ready, not break down. Lapis snatched the outfit, making to the bathroom that extended off of her room.

The awkward, creepy feeling she had described still lingered, but that shadow she had seen had not returned. Yes, it was probably her imagination, and that was her final conclusion.

For lack of other people present, she didn't bother to close the bathroom door as she began to strip of her pajamas. She soon stood, freezing and naked while waiting for the water to flow from the faucet. When her mother had purchased the house, Ms. Diamante had been looking for a house with that “old house charm”, with said charm having a side effect of delayed faucets and lights that flickered whenever something was plugged in. Nevertheless, it was home, and at least she had a home and a mother still. Now she even had a job and a girlfriend as well.

But what she didn't have was her best friend, who had brought unwarranted feelings upon Lapis before and after the incident.

Stepping into the shower, she allowed herself to recall what had happened in the aftermath. The funeral, the multitude of people who had shown up due to such a tragedy. Peridot had not been unpopular, but she didn't fit into the popular crowd. No one had known her like Lapis, who was the first and last to stand at that casket with the listless and pale body of her friend. She had been the one to make a speech on the life of the girl with a broken voice and a broken heart. The girl’s adopted family, who loved her dearly, didn't even stay as long. No one had loved Peridot like Lapis. 

But the worst part? No matter how she twisted the scenario in her mind, she always traced the cause back to herself. She told herself it was irrational. The therapist told her it was irrational. The girl couldn't bring herself to believe it though, and the only way she would is if Peridot were to spring back to life and tell her herself. Of course, there would be no problem if she was alive still…

She hadn't realized it, but tears had begun to run down her tan cheeks, blotchy now due to her crying. Those memories always caught her off guard, every time.

Lapis reached down, and twisted the faucet off, waiting for the ancient system to finally ready before stepping out. Though the door was open and air was flowing, the mirror was still fogged and steamy. She began to dry herself with the soft towel, and rubbed her raven hair in it. Before long, she had donned the outfit and only had her hair a makeup left. Due to her crying, the girl’s face was pinkish. In order to work, she probably had to look her best which would only be achieved by means of makeup, as of now.

The girl took her towel, wiping at the steam on the mirror. The image revealed under that foggy layer caused her to shriek and step back.

She was there, next to that girl with the bloody mouth as nose, covered in scratches. Glass stuck out of Peridot in multiple places, including the shard that had pierced her throat. Though dead, the image had a startling likeless to that of that cursed day three years, one week, and one day ago. However, the only difference was that this one moved, and attempted to mouth something before flickering out of existence. Lapis back up, holding back vomit. Fuck her hair and makeup, she had to get out now.

She grabbed her bad, tossing her supplies and some clothes in before speed-walking to the train station. With a flick of her wrist to reveal her card, Lapis was in and on the way, finally escaped from the brutal visions of Peridot.

It must have been record time for her to arrive in the city. The train ride had passed in a blur of pictures that all mashed together at the accelerated speed, all the way to her campus. As fast as she had got on, she had gotten off and was not stumbling to her apartment, half-numb.

She walked for a small distance, feeling the chill in the air. After the quick and adrenaline spurred journey, Lapis was exhausted. Of course she couldn't be tired now, she still had to work, albeit an easy job for the day. During summer she worked intense hours as a lifeguard at the local beach, and in the winter she primarily worked at a bar with a side-job restocking shelves at a local 24/7 Food Lion. It wasn't all too glamorous, but she was a workaholic, truthfully. What she lacked in happiness an ability to get a decent, humanly hour or so of sleep she made up for in work.

Lapis hurried up the stairs, feeling the full bite of the cold now. Fumbling for her keys, she dug around her bag, finally grasping something in her cold hand. She unlocked it, though gracelessly, and stumbled in to meet the small living space. On the couch, by the quietly playing TV, lay a huge woman snoring. She was tan, but pale in some areas due to a persistent skin condition. Regardless of skin abnormality, the woman was frightening to most, even her own girlfriend. Truthfully, Lapis wasn't sure how she’d picked up such a girl, but she had. Jasper was… Something. Intimidating, but she was gentle with Lapis. Admittedly, she was great in bed as well.

The girl looked admiringly at her girlfriend, who lay snoozing on the couch before dropping her bag. She had to go immediately to her shift at the store, though Amethyst took part of it as thanks for when Lapis had helped her with her shift recently. Amethyst was Lapis’ working buddy. The girl was young, younger than Lapis by a bit, and worked at both jobs with her. It was a lucky coincidence, and they had decided to initiate friendship after connecting their relations at both workplaces.

Luckily for Lapis, both jobs were a short walking distance away from the apartment. As she arrived at the building that could only be described as boring, she went straight to the employee’s only room. As usual, no one was in, so she slid into her uniform quickly. Donning a tag, she left the small room that reeked of sweat and disappointment and chips.

The next few hours passed easily, with her only actual work be guiding confused old people, and putting cans on shelves. This was the usual. Work was only fun after midnight, when she and Amethyst usually took their shift, where no one was around to judge them. Call it silly, but there was something exhilarating about being able to run around in a public place such as a grocery store after the city curfew.

“Yes, ma’am.” She addressed the confused elderly lady who had given up her endless circling to finally approach Lapis. “We do sell cereal, in aisle 4.”

The lady nodded in a dazed fashion before she ambled to the wrong side of the store, away from aisle four. As she was about to call the confused woman and redirect her, a pair of hands planted themselves on her shoulder, and ultimately tugged down.

“Agh- Amethyst!” She yelped without even turning around. The short latina had jumped up, and due to their significant height difference, had pulled her back down.

“Yo, dude, my turn.” The girl grinned, hardly twenty one but still smelling like alcohol and smoke. Lapis assumed it wasn’t her own scent, but from her bar job. She grinned her catlike grin, yanking off the obligatory apron that had been tied loosely around her waist. It gave easily, and the shorter girl put in on herself over the bland uniform that they had to wear.

“Thanks again, Amethyst.’ She murmured, leaving the pastel-haired latina to herself as she retreated back to the employee’s room. “You’re amazing.”

The other flipped her long hair, laughing. “You know I am.” 

Lapis stuck her tongue out in a playful gesture before completing the final steps into the room. She changed swiftly, and proceeded to exit the back door.

Night had settled in, leaving the cold air to nip freely at her cheeks. She flushed in the cool darkness, tugging the zipper on her light jacket up just a little more. They would need dinner, and Jasper most likely hadn’t made any, as she never had before. Lapis made a quick turn to the local diner.

The inside was much warmer than the outside, and a pleasant little bar was situated along the side of it. Red leather seated booths were placed along the other two sides and a window, and the place had a few customers situated in them. It was fifters-esque, and had music from the era playing softly to the sound of sizzling food on the grill.

“Hey, Sadie.” She called to the blonde, who was sitting boredly along the counter. She perked up a little, after seemingly zoning out for lack of work to do.

“Oh hey… Lapis? What can I get you?”

The girl listed off their usual order, before passing the owed payment. The benefit of constant working when she wasn’t studying was that she could actually pay for food, and decent housing, an honest college miracle. Of course, she did have help from her more-than financially stable mother, but if needed she could provide for herself.

A few minutes later, the girl behind the bar ushered her over and slid a bag over. “Have a good night and enjoy.”

She took the bag delicately, and raised her hand in a ‘goodbye’ gesture. “Thanks!”

After a short walked, she entered the apartment. The lights that had now been on indicated that her girlfriend was now awake from her nap, and probably hungry.

Her thoughts were confirmed as Jasper, like a large, hungry, and very scary puppy trotted out of the bedroom wearing actual pajamas now. Lapis put the food down, smiling at her girlfriend.

“Hey, babe.” she rumbled, taking Lapis’s waist in a surprisingly gentle manner. Before she could respond, she was greeted with a kiss, which never failed to get her heart fluttering.

“Hey, aren’t you hungry?” Lapis giggled a bit as their mouths disconnected.

“Yeah,” Jasper responded, grinning at the little laughs she’d contrived.

The smaller of the two broke her grip, retreating to the bathroom. “I’ll be one second, let me get a little more comfortable.”

She, hungry herself, hurried to change into softer clothes. Her hair, whipped by the chilly breeze, desperately needed to be put up. Bending down to gather her raven colored hair, Lapis collected it into a band.

The girl let out a small sigh of content, straightening her back, but froze.

The image that greeted her wasn’t the same bloody one from before, but still terrifying. The girl next to her in the mirror looked older than before, even, and didn’t immediately flicker away.

Frozen, Lapis stared in horror as it… She... spoke.

“Lapis?” was the single word Peridot spoke, in that familiar haunting, slightly nasal voice she had last heard three years, one week, and one day ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, if you want me to continue, or have any advice, etc, please comment! Thanks!


	3. Its Been A While...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis gets to talk with Peridot, and does her best to avoid doing so again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there's some Jaspis in this chapter yikes i promise this is Lapidot okay.
> 
> Happy Mothers Day, here's some gay rock fanfic.
> 
> Also, Jasper may get out of character at some points but she's also gonna be really moody at some points, to clarify.

Three Years, One Week, and One Day

____________________

“Lapis?” Peridot asked again, concern etched into her pointed features.

The girl stood, frozen. Could this really be Peridot, her dead best friend? Her mind raced at a million miles an hour, rapidly debating her course of action. 

So Lapis squeaked, falling back into the wall, petrified. Her voice was choked, and her eyes like those of a cornered animal. Terrified didn't even begin to explain how she felt. This reaction caused the shorter girl, now visible outside of the mirror, to in closer. A hand reached out, looking so full of life, though it was just the opposite. She thought she could even see the veins, and even the little scar on Peridot’s hand. This wasn't Peridot though, only some dead reflection of her or a hallucination. No one could deny the striking likeness to the girl that Lapis had once known. Her eyes pierced the other’s, before taking in the ghostly figure before her. “Peridot” was blindingly pale, but that was how she’d always been. The most tan she had ever gotten was the freckles that played across her skin as she moved, looking particularly adorable. Everything about this girl in front of her was familiar, from the blonde hair and pointed nose to those naturally tiny feet. It was, for lack of better words, haunting.

“Lapis, shh, it's me…” The… Thing tried to comfort her, her hand barely an inch from Lapis.

Finally, she found her words. Though she fumbled with her own tongue in fear, the message was conveyed. 

“W-what are you? Get away from me!” Her voice threatens to rise above normal her already-scared state, maybe even enough to arouse Jasper from her food-induced state of ignorance. It was already shaking, but steady still in fear.

“Lapis.” It insisted, “I'm Peridot.” The ghostly hand crept toward her at a slow pace, threatening to connect with her shoulder.

“W-why should I b-believe you?” She asked, feeling her knees weaken with fear.

“Because…” The other appeared to think “I was the only one who knew it was you who dumped salt in our 6th grade teacher's water when she went to the bathroom. That’s why we started talking. Who else knows that?”

“No one, I guess. But why should I trust you?”

Peridot crossed her surprisingly opaque arms. “You are wearing my charm from our best friend necklaces.”

A looked of further shock hit Lapis, to accompany the fear. “Is that what… Summoned you?” She asked.

Lapis Lazuli knew very well that it was stupid to associate with a spirit. At all, period. She supposed she hadn't let that simple fact prevent her from using the board, so communicating directly couldn’t be so bad… Maybe.

“Kind of… I've been here the whole time.” The spirit admitted, averting her gaze. As opposed to before, when she had faded from existence, Peridot was now seeming more and more lifelike.

Anger flooded the other girl causing her voice to rise and her fists to clench. “So you mean you've been here the _entire time_ and haven't bothered to talk to me?”

A defensive look passed along Peridot’s face as the black-haired woman barked at her. “No… I mean I couldn't. I was here, but not strong enough until you used the board.”

Tears had unknowingly welled at Lapis’s eyes at the hurt that had been brought in. “O-oh.” Was all she could force out. “The… Entire time.”

“Y-yeah. As soon as… It happened, actually.” Peridot explained, going visibly paler. It was undeniable that talking about her own death would make the girl uncomfortable.

“I'm…” She muttered, at a true loss for words.

“Lapis,” the shorter changed the subject. “You let your hair back to it’s natural color. Why?”

The tan woman face the other an inquisitive look before answering. “Because…”

At that moment, Jasper knocked on the door, before walking in. Peridot vanished into thin air, leaving Lapis alone again. Her girlfriend had few boundaries, and would often walk in without notice. She hadn't cared all too much before, but now it brought her a bit of annoyance. Though it was a sort of saving grace for being saved from the encounter, but a small part of her wanted to talk more. It would take more convincing for the girl to decide if she could trust the ghost, or if she was Peridot, even, but curiosity nagged her.

“You okay? I heard talking.” The tan woman grunted surveying the empty room.

She took a moment to finally recover before began to talk. “Yeah, fine.”

Jasper raised an eyebrow, settling her brown eyes on her. “You sure? You were talking to yourself.”

Shit. Jasper had heard, leaving Lapis to scratch at the reserves of her sleep-deprived thoughts for a plausible lie. It wasn’t like she could go out and admit to talking to a ghost she had summoned the previous night, could she? No, that was weird and unbelievable.

“Oh, that was my- my mom on the phone. She wanted me to…” _shit_ “She wanted to make sure that I cleaned out the old food from the fridge while she’s been gone.” The lie was obvious, and painful. It looked like Jasper was barely buying it, so she left with a shrug to return to the food. Lapis heaved a sigh, scolding herself. Normally, she was a fantastic liar. Given the situation, she supposed her stuttering for words was reasonable, but still.

She darted out of the bathroom, to join Jasper. Her appetite wasn’t exactly up to par after the encounter, but she took her food and joined Jasper, who was situated on the couch by the television. Her girlfriend had turned on one of the singing shows that they often watched together, where every week someone got eliminated. Singing was a secret passion they had both shared.

Noticing Lapis’s shaky appearance, the large woman gestured her over to join her. She walked over, snuggling into the crook of her arm to munch on a bit of food. Lapis gave her best attempt to quell her shaking body, and set her eyes onto the screen as her eyes tried to shift with fear. They remained like this, mostly silent except for the occasional grunt from Jasper of disapproval from the decisions of the judges. The smaller woman finally broke their contact as she went to put a box of half-eaten food into the fridge.

Jasper was not the sentimental, nor the soft kind. She was the kind of person to fight in bars, for fun, or take amusement in popping kids’ balloons. In fact, the former was how she had met Lapis. Not by fighting her, but fighting to defend a “hot stranger”’s, as she had told the story, honor. Lapis had resorted to stripping at a young age of 19 for a period of time (that still continued now as a lesser job), when her mother had found out she was lesbian. She had already moved out, and mother since tried to accept it, but for that time, she was financially on her own. One night, a man started to harass her, as she was just walking through. Jasper had noticed, and stepped up for her, resulting in the man having a bloody nose and no will to ever return to the bar. Since then, Jasper had proven herself as defensive, and selectively caring to her.

Yet again, Jasper proved her kindness and concern. “Hey, Laz.” She murmured to the girl who was just standing, pretty much zoned out, by the sink. “Come here.”

She silently complied, shaking herself back to reality. Again, she settled herself into the warm body of her larger girlfriend, who embraced her in a one-armed hug. “You okay? You barely ate anything, and you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Her choice of words could have been better for the given situation, but she didn’t hold it against the woman who held her. How was she supposed to know, anyway?

“Thanks for the concern.” She whispered in a half-voice, sinking into the comforting cushion that was Jasper. “I'm fine, though, just a rough day.” She partially lied, as it had indeed been a rough day. Lying didn't feel… Good, so she avoided direct lying, and more so avoided full truth.

Jasper didn't respond with words, but pressed her mouth into Lapis’s in a dangerously gentle way, like she was a fragile butterfly. The attention she received from Jasper’s moving hands caused her heart to flutter a little bit. She returned the kiss, deep and meaningful, doing her best to forget the day as they collided full-body, horizontal on the couch. 

 

____________________

 

Three Years and Two Weeks

____________________

 

It had been several days since the last contact with Peridot, and her return home from her older home. Days had passed as usual, though she averted her eyes when near a mirror. She only used a mirror to put on makeup for her job at the club where she worked. Even when she was just working the bar, she hardly put any on, unless someone else was in the room to deter Peridot from coming back.

Tonight, however, was a night where she would go out _for fun_. This meant makeup, cute outfit, and everything. It was just a night for her and Amethyst to both take off and relax for once, but she was required to put effort into her appearance.

She had already thrown on a dark blue crop top, paired with a matching skirt, an outfit few could pull off. Admittedly, it looked better when her hair was dyed, but this was the best she’d had. Reluctantly, she brought her eyes to the bathroom mirror, holding a makeup brush in her shaky hand. Applying was the easy part, which she did so expertly, but her eyes were again shifting nervously. Jasper was out, working herself now, so Lapis was home alone. Peridot could, and would, form at any moment now. She was certain, as no one knew the habits and behavior of Peridot Olivine like she had. Hell, she knew Peridot better than Peridot knee Peridot.

She was about to finish her look, debating between a traditional color of lipstick, or blue, when Peridot finally did the expected. Her form was first seen in the mirror, then in the rest of the world, as had happened last time. She had seen it coming, yet still flinched upon the appearance of Peridot.

“Hey.” Was all the blonde muttered, pointing to the reddish lipstick. “Wear that one as an accent.”

“Oh, so you leave for three years and suddenly become the fashion expert?” Lapis hissed, feeling suddenly cold at the other girl.

“I learned from you.” She retorted, sticking up her pointed nose.

“How?”

Peridot rolled her eyes, responding matter-of-factly. “Because I'm dead, and don't have anywhere to be and haven't had anything to do for three years. So yeah, I've had some time to learn things.”

The statement implied a lot, and a hot blush spread across her face. Lapis hadn't been saintly, working at a strip club and all, and handy exactly been… Devout when it came to abstinence. The smaller blonde picked up on her feeling of uneasiness, and a telltale blush spread across her face as she broke away the intense eye contact they’d been holding. “Sorry…” Was all Peridot responded.

Lapis glared at her, tossing her bag over her shoulder. It was obvious due to her reaction, that Peridot had seen it _all_. “You're disgusting.” She muttered, leaving the room with Peridot on her tail. “Now leave me alone.” She still wasn't even sure if Peridot was Peridot, and she herself was now being borderline bitchy to her.

Lapis left the building, slamming the door in the ghost’s face.

_____

“What kept you?” Amethyst asked, grinning at the panting Lapis who had run a long distance after she realized that she was late.

“I had to fight a bear.” She said, sarcastically between pants. “Kicked it’s ass.”

“Sure.” The Latina rolled her eyes, a common theme with Lapis now, and led her inside the bar they had selected. It wasn't too busy, but not empty. They chose two stools at the bar, waving the bartender over right away.

“Two shots, please!” Amethyst called cheerfully, winking at Lapis. The bartender looked warily at her, but didn't check her ID. they exchanged drink for money, and the short girl slid her a small glass. She downed her own, before looking at Lapis.

“Girl, drink.” The girl demanded.

“Uh… Okay.” She muttered lamely, tilting the glass so the liquid burned down her throat. She fought back a cringe, and returned her head with a sloppy, yet not drunken, grin.

“Next round’s on me.” She called, repeating the process. This went on for a bit, shot after shot until both girls were chatting loosely, barely contained. They bubbles loudly, catching up on the strange stories from their work, or anything else. Though seeing each other almost daily, she could go on for ever.

“Hold up, I gotta pee.” Lapis slurred, in a drunken, warm, state. She stumbled as she stepped down from the stool, almost falling. A few concerned others looked at her, which she responded with another slurred statement. “Sobriety is for loserrsss.” She grinned, gliding gracelessly to the bathroom.

It was empty inside, except for her, and she did what was required quickly. Everything was difficult, but her own messing up proved to be entertaining to her, even.

Peridot was suddenly in front of the door, intercepting her from putting her hand on the handle to open it.

“Seriously?” She giggled, letting it fall limp. “I gotta go out”

“You didn't answer earlier, why did you let your hair go back to normal– holy shit you're drunk!” Peridot exclaimed, instinctively dodging Lapis’s fall, induced by her intoxicated state.

“You bet… Now let me gooo.” She groaned childishly, frowning.

Peridot, quite sober and also quite annoyed, tapped her foot. “Answer.”

“Because you.” Was all she answered, giving up her will to hold back. “It reminded me of you. Y-you're the one who wanted me to dye it in the first place.” She hiccuped.

“Oh.” Peridot looked at her. “Well… You should dye it back. It suited you.”

Lapis seemed to ignore her statement, glaring at her a bit now. “Move?”

The blonde vanished from visible existence again, leaving the black-haired girl to stumble back over to Amethyst.

“Another, last one.” She called to the bartender, who smiled and poured her another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so what did you think? Please leave any comments, and thanks for the attention this has gotten so far!


	4. The Next Day Is The Worst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOOKAYYYY  
> Wow, my writing has really slowed down. Lucky /anyone who reads my work/, my life has finally begun to slow down for summer. This means more updates again, and probably better writing as well.
> 
> To the writing?

Lapis didn’t even need to open her eyes to know that the room was spinning. Maybe it was her head, actually, which felt like the entire Sahara was dumped into her mouth. Either way, it was beyond unpleasant. It was as if blazing hot, tiny, yet extremely forceful train had bashed into her temple, and was now constantly ringing it’s hellish little annoying whistle in her head.

Okay, so drinking that much was probably dumb.

She opened her eyes, and the full effect of the hangover hit the confused woman like a truck. Lapis squeezed her eyes shut again, groaning audibly at herself. This entire thing felt dumb. She attempted to think with her suffocating brain, but nothing came to mind. She was at her apartment, right? The only telltale sign was the constant scent of vanilla, Jasper’s shockingly sweet perfume that she occasionally wore that somehow caused the entire area to smell all the time. It was now amplified, causing her to cringe, but at the same time, everything was stuffed up.

Pretty fucking dumb.

Lapis forced herself to open her eyes again, and this time keep them open. Everything from her tired, yet too pained to sleep body ached and screaming. What had caused such a hangover? She’d been out with Amethyst, but didn’t have that much, right? Apparently the woman had enough to feel like death itself had played with her body, like a cat, and then tossed her mangled, drunk body into bed.

A wave of sound hit her, suddenly, and Lapis recognized the music on Jasper’s workout playlist. So her girlfriend was up already, but at least considerate enough not to put it as loud as usual.

The black-haired woman peeled herself up, literally peeled, and set her feet on the ground. Almost immediately, her legs shook and threatened to collapse, and bile burned at her throat. Fuzzy memories prodded at her mind as intangible fragments, void of details and sounds and faces. It was more like a feeling that she remembered, but nothing would come directly to her mind.

She made her way to Jasper at a painfully slow pace. The tan woman was lifting small weights, for lack of space for anything huge. They usually went to an actual gym together, instead, and acted like a real, healthy couple. 

Upon seeing her hungover, ailed girlfriend, Jasper paused her music and put down her weight. “Laz, you’re up!” she cooed at a respectably low volume, stalking over. “When you came home last night, you looked like you had a pretty fun time.”

The smaller woman let herself be taken into the others’ arms, relishing the feeling of someone holding her nauseated body.

“I feel like shit now…” she rasped, testing her own voice.

Concern filled Jasper’s brown eyes, and she released her girlfriend for the most part, but kept a viselike grip on her shoulders. “Hey, let me get you some water.”

She nodded, but a familiar feeling hit her stomach. “I’m gonna-” she cut herself off, and started running as fast as she could to the bathroom, upheaving the remnants of her food.

The bout left her feeling worse and breathing roughly as Jasper entered the room with a glass of water. “Here, babe, I’ll try getting you something light to try and eat in a bit.”

“What did…” she sniffed “The world ever do to deserve you?” she asked, though genuinely shocked. She may be suffering a nasty hangover, but her girlfriend was being unusually gentle, even with Lapis.

The door creaked half shut as Jasper left, and Lapis turned toward the mirror. The faucet squeaked to life as she nudged it, letting cool water drip into her shockingly shaky hands. In a swift movement, the black-haired woman splashed it into her face, feeling the slightest refreshment from. The bathroom mirror seemed to scream at her as she repeatedly did so, like something begging for attention.

At the same time, Lapis’s throbbing head screamed as well, on the verge of a memory from last night aside from her short friend and way too much alcohol.

The mirror, the mirror, what did it mean? Her eyes swept over it, although achingly, and she glanced upon her rumpled figure. Something glinted on her neck.... What was it?

A silver paw print. It was Peridot’s charm that caught her eye, and Peridot who caught her lost memory.

Peridot in the bathroom, that shocked and disappointed look on her pointed face. A few words swam in her mind, but among the most prominent was those that went along the lines of “you should dye it back”, most likely pertaining to her hair. It was all a confusing blur, sure, but something was maybe better than something. Although, does anyone want to remember their best friend’s ghost haunting them?

Lapis groaned, falling back into her crouching position at the toilet. Confusing and complicated feelings for later, stomach now.

A creaking noise alerted her to the presence of Jasper, who now had a glass of water with her. Without words, Lapis gave a weak smile and downed the glass, only to feel like she would vomit again. _Dumb move, Lapis_ , she scolded herself, fighting back bile.

“Babe, you look worse…” Jasper rested her large hand on the sick woman’s back, who again greeted it with relief.

“I just need rest again.” She assured, “You have work, soon, anyway.”

“True… I have to get ready. Will you be okay?”

The weakest of laughs escaped her mouth, causing another shock of pain to ring in her head. “I’ll be fine. It’s a hangover, not a fatal disease.”

The tall woman stood, stretching out a little bit. “Call me if you need anything, though.” she stated firmly. “You can have the bathroom, I showered after last night’s workout and I didn’t do anything today. You need it more so they’ll just have to suck it up.”

Her only response was a nod, as her girlfriend left to change into her waitress uniform. The outfit and job seemed so unlike her, but she as well worked as a bouncer on weekends of busy nights, having multiple jobs as well as Lapis. It was a thing they did, balance college, jobs, and each other. Someone, despite their differences, it all worked out for the most part.

Lapis sat, crumpled by the toilet for the next few minutes, even after she heard Jasper leave. Her entire self ached too much to move far, and she really didn’t have to will to move herself. Man, today was not her day.

She heaved herself up, now, not vomiting, and her stomach soothed the slightest bit by time. Walking was still difficult, but she eventually got herself into fresher clothes, and onto the safety of her bed, but without going under the covers. She was inclined to shower herself, most likely, but the aching of her limbs forbade her. Yeah, maybe later. Lapis had plans for now.

Clearly, she had a ghost problem. Maybe haunting, shadowing, whatever one might call it. She pulled out her laptop, squinting at the bright “log in” page that glared at her.

Alright, time to search. Her eyes scoured her screen for a search engine, and she began to type.

“How to get rid of ouija spirits.” Was the first question.

Suggestion one, suggestion two, suggestion three. She clicked, finding no not-conflicted solution.

“Why do ghosts haunt you?”

There was no definite answer. There a common theme of answers, ranging from “unfinished business” to “interest.”

There were several unsuccessful searches, where no information was accurately placed and retrieved. Everything had a conflicting answer, throwing her still-aching self into a state of further confusion. There was the obvious things, that were common knowledge, but the real important things she wanted to know weren't there.

In a dramatic whirlwind of motion, Lapis whizzed the monitor closed, groaning. She hobbled to the bed, and instantly crashed. It didn't take much, now, for sleep to overcome her sore body which, for some lucky reason, allowed her to drift into the darkness that tinged her vision.

____________________

Whatever it was that woke her up, Lapis was pissed. She still felt like absolute shit, but at least it wasn't as bad. She could move without her head screaming, and her stomach didn't want to heave as much.

There was no one else in the apartment, yet, as deemed by the lack of footsteps or humming of which Jasper usually made herself known with.

The only other plausible answer would be Peridot, as her mind jumped to conclusions. Hey, they didn't have any pets, did they? The black haired woman peeled herself from the sheets, groaning inwardly. The noise had come from the bathroom, so naturally, she pursued it.

Every hunch proved right, and a neurotic, late teenage ghost proved herself to be the culprit. Her massless limbs were somehow tangled in the towel-hanger that Jasper had insisted on buying, draped with towels. It was like a scene from a cartoon, and she could almost see the birds darted around Peridot’s blonde mass of messed up hair. A slip of paper had escaped her hand, and was on the floor by her desperately reaching, outstretched hand.

“Peridot… What the fuck?” She groaned, rubbing her eyes to check to see if this was reality. “What are you going?”

“S-sorry!” The girl squeaked, settling into her former self, and out of her brooding ghostly self that Peridot had recently become acquainted with. “I was just trying to… Leave a note.”

An eyebrow raised. “A note? Why not tell me?”

“Jasper would have heard, then. You got a girlfriend. She would had heard. Jasper would have heard.”

She snorted, pressed her thumb and middle finger on her temples in an exasperated gesture. “That's three ways to say one thing, yes, but did you ever consider the fact that she can read? Honest to god, for a 5.0 student you are pretty dumb.”

“Hey!” The girl pouted, “In my defense, I haven't exactly had the same brain capacity and function I used to… Or even a brain.”

“Well, what were you going to say?”

“I was going to suggest you due your hair back. Now please… Help me out?”

“Maybe. Wait, you're dead, can't you just zap yourself out, or make yourself disappear and reappear?”

“I'm stil.. Here. Technically. It's weird.” The blonde tried to explain, before stopping herself. “Whatever.”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “You're still an absolute dork. And yes, I will think about the hair.”

“Thanks?”

“Look, Per, I gotta shower probably because I feel like shit. You probably know, but I have an actual hangover.”

“Like.. Actual hangover. Not metaphorical, or joking hangover.” The girl joked, sticking out her tongue a bit. “It's not like I was there when you got it.”

“God, you're a creep!” Lapis exclaimed, but honestly not angry or even shocked. “Keep the peeping to a minimum, please.”

A blush spread across the face of the ghost as she untangled herself, while spazzing in shock. Finally, she stood up, as the entirety of the conversation had been made with the girl fallen in the ground. “You think I'd?”

“I didn't say you would. I'm just saying I wouldn't hold it against you to do that.”

“What, me, the great and lovable Peridot, anything but perfect? No, simply not right.”

“Shut up, I gotta shower.” Lapis rolled her eyes, pushing her old friend gently to the side. “I'm changing so… Keep your dead eyes off me.”

“If you say so…” Peridot joked, before fading away again.

God, was she going to have to get used to that.

Used to it? No, maybe Lapis would find a way to get rid of her… However much of a fresh breath it was to have her old friend back, she just couldn't keep a ghost around, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, they gay is getting there. Soon, I promise.
> 
> I hope this was okay, please let me know what you think!
> 
> Next update should be out maybe within the week, if nothing else comes up!


	5. Home (but not so) Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL YIKES I uploaded the wrong part on accident tonight... So reupload...
> 
> Again, I'm sorry I took so long to get this out here. My life is crazy and all and I've had injuries, a severe accident, a health scare, and tech issues. My laptop broke a while back but I'm writing on mobile now because I can't leave forever. I'm so so sorry about this!!

3 years, 5 weeks

____________________

 

Life was slowing down. Slow could have been an understatement, crawling was a better word to describe the lack of change and variety in her life. Sure, Lapis was busy with work, studying, and Jasper, but nothing seemed interesting. Her girlfriend was acting very temperamental lately, even _more_ than usual. Their routine together had fallen into Jasper yelling with Lapis listening, Jasper apologizing, them making up in some way, repeat. On top of this, she had to study and do her work as usual, and balance two jobs. Her social life was practically nonexistent outside Jasper and Amethyst, and even Peridot hadn't done much talking. The most she had gotten from the ghost was the occasional movement, adjustment, or flickered image in the corner of her eye.

Not even a lonely ghost wanted to talk to the lonely Lapis Lazuli.

Now that was a pretty sad life, as one of Peridot’s main concerns was her being lonely for those three years after her death. Damn, what was Lapis doing wrong?

Lapis groaned, and fell back on the couch. It was rare she had free time now, but it was 10 pm and Jasper was out. No job, she was surprisingly on top of her work for the first time ever, and, as most times went, she was still stressed. Moments like these always felt like the calm before the storm, a really big shitstorm. But it lacked the calm sense, and had more of a feeling of looming dread with it. What could she even do?

Half of her wanted to call Amethyst, and see if her friend was free. No, Amethyst would be asleep, which was her favorite hobby only second to “making dough”. Peridot? No, there would be so many things wrong with that. She was a fucking _ghost_ , and even if she wouldn't have to perform an entire summoning ritual (rubbing the paw charm proved to be effective in getting her attention, like some ghost voodoo or whatever), it was just plain weird. Her mom? Hell no, she hadn't talked to her in ages. Beside, she would be busy.

Lapis tried to fall even further into the cushion, groaning. She absolutely hated being bored, and this was quite the boring night. The woman didn't even watch TV, so she didn't even have any shows to catch up on. Her raven-black hair fell around her face, tickling her nose. Peridot’s words bounced in her head for a moment. She had said she looked better with blue hair, right? It suited her? Maybe she could dye it.

No, it was too late to go out and get it done without an appointment. She would have dyed it at home, but her mother’s one condition to color her hair blue was that she would only get it done professionally, as getting it done at home would damage her hair more.

Then there was the obvious option, to sleep. Any normal person would have chosen that one, right? Nah, not Lapis. She wasn't about to go out and drink again, nor was she really up to partying. While it was possible she could have called Pearl, their relationship was still recovering from the incident with the board. It was a mistake, and her fault so she did completely understand.

With a decisive shrug to herself, the girl went to go get her coat. Though it was the dead of winter now, and freezing, a walk would be good. She had read an article about how even a few minute outside could make you feel a lot better, so why not give it a try? And since Pearl was so close, maybe she could give her a knock on the way. It's not like she had anything better to do. Maybe she could stop at the pet store, and look at the kittens or something to beat the seasonal depression which often kicked in around this time of year.

The door creaked only slightly as she exited and locked the door, cell phone in hand. Though it was cold, she began to walk next door and peek on her friend. She gave a brisk knock, but Pearl didn't answer. The lights were one but it was likely she was doing some sophisticated thing that required concentration. Or she just wanted to ignore her, either was plausible.

Lapis continued on, trudging through the thin layer of accumulated snow. She mindlessly wandered, letting herself drift a little. Somewhere during her walk, snow had begun to fall as well, gently drifting down into her black here. It contrasted oddly. Truthfully, she didn't even know how she got her black hair, as her mother’s was a chestnut shade. It was most likely from her father, but she hadn't even met him. Turns out he had been some awful guy anyway, and it hasn't had too much of a negative effect on Lapis at all. She hardly thought twice about it, that's always how it had been. Lapis and her mom, to eventually Lapis. For a while she had a friend but that was gone, or at least not existing in a conventional way.

She continued on, admiring the dancing flakes. Snow had come extremely early this year, in just November. Weather often fluctuated in this city, as some Octobers would be shorts weather and tanks, which others sweaters and double-layered leggings. She was used to it, and it was definitely a cold year. Still, the snow was beautiful and glimmered in the old streetlights as it twirled to the ground.

Eventually after about an hour of mindless brooding, she returned feeling no more refreshed than she did before the walk. Whatever, at least Lapis tried. It was after 11, and she was tired and alone until Jasper got back any time the next morning, depending on business. She made herself quickly ready for bed, before throwing herself into the large bed. The sheets had been freshly cleaned, and they had a little… Fun the previous night, as they often had.

She drifted relatively easily, barely even ready for bed. Sleep wasn't always a usual occurrence, but it was this night. The warm sheets contrasted with the cold outdoors, making it all the more comfortable. 

_____

_Lapis felt herself suddenly warm again, caught in a laugh. What? Where was she? She wasn't in control, simply going through the feelings, and emotions._

_“Happy Birthday!” A high pitched voice squealed excitedly. Peridot bounced on the bed a little, causing the whole bed to wiggle a little. “You're 18!”_

_She felt the sensation, or at least the ghost of it, of excitement, eagerness, happiness. Just in high school again, with her friend._

_Dread was there too. Her eighteenth birthday, the horrible day which she remembered vividly. Lapis struggled to free herself from seeing what would happen soon, attempting to thrash with no avail. She had no control over her actions. This was solid past, not fluid._

_____

And just like that, she was back, awake, and comfortable. The dream was done, and she was awake. How odd.

The reason sat at the foot of the bed, palish and vibrant. “You move a lot.”

Of course. “Thanks, Peridot. For interrupting my sleep.” Which she was grateful for, but could never say it. “Also, thanks for ignoring me the past weeks.”

“Hey, you are Jasper were either together or not here. I don't want to get caught around her.” The girl shuddered, a vivid gesture for a dead girl.

Lapis almost giggled, “I feel like that would not go well. She'd find a way to kill you.” While her girlfriend really did have a harsh demeanor, she tended to pare down her rough edges around Lapis, or even just make an attempt to. She had a sharp tongue, and could lash out. Those were a few of the things they had in common.

Her friend shivered, rising up a little. She looked different, even less pale than before, and less translucent. Almost real, and more… Mature.

“Hey, Peridot,” she muttered, rubbing her groggy eyes. “You look different.” Not the most elegant conversation starter, true, but a valid remark.

A smug look passed along the girl’s face, and she grinned. “Glad you noticed,” Peridot cooed playfully. “Turns out my body is an illusion and I can look however I want.”

“That's… Cool. Why just a little older. I thought you loved the color green so much you once said you wanted to be green.” Her humor was a little lacking, but she was truthfully exhausted and shaken.

“Stayin classy,” she shrugged. “Plus I felt weird being a teen while you're like… An adult now.”

Oh. Lapis had gotten caught up in enjoying Peridot’s presence after the dream to the point where she forgot the situation. This wasn't normal, and shouldn't be happening.

“Laz, you okay? I can tell you're anxious.” Peridot inched closer, expressing concern.

While Lapis flinched at the nickname only used by Peridot and Jasper, but rushed to hide any negative expression. “Yeah, fine, sorry. I mean, I'm tired?” She muttered almost incoherently, avoiding looking at her friend. She withdrew, which was not a new concept to Lapis. Some would call it a coping mechanism, but for her, it was mostly protective.

“Um… Okay.” Peridot stated, not buying it. “Rest up.”

Lapis took that as a goodbye, and laid down again, taking in her situation. Maybe being lonely was better than this, the girl she understand and who understand her was there, but not. She had been there more than Jasper.

In truth, their relationship was odd. Neither of them were, or are okay. A coincidental meeting brought them together, and they thought they clicked. They had far from clicked, though. Both of them knew, but now they simply acted it out, pretending like they were a happy couple.

It was all selfish, in a way. She was too scared to let go, lose the only constant. Jasper was too scared to let go for her own insecurities. Lapis was her reassurance, nothing more. So Jasper treated her nice, but it didn't feel sincere. Nothing was sincere except their attitudes and their losses. Emotional, social, any type of loss, they both felt it. This relationship was even a loss, but they denied it.

The black-haired woman shut her eyes harder, pushing the darker thoughts away. No, not right now. This wasn't a good time to let herself get angsty. She quivered in bed, alone. Jasper would be back eventually, and the act would resume. She avoided thinking about it at all costs.

Suddenly, a hand rustled itself through her hair. She didn't speak, too stunned to really do anything. Was Jasper home?? No, the hand was too small. It was Peridot.

The girl picked up on every emotion. Lapis didn't like their situation, but didn't have the will to struggle after mentally tearing herself down.

It wasn't welcome, nor rejected.

_____

Lapis woke with a start, immediately noticing the presence in her hair gone. Instead, a tired looking Jasper lumbered in at 5 am, smelling of smoke and alcohol. She collapsed on the bed, groaning. “Morning, babe.” She groaned.

“Go to bed, Jasper,” she muttered, tired herself. Her work didn't start until 3 today, and she was still tired.

Without audible response, the larger woman, already changed, wriggled under the covers to join Lapis. With a solid tug, she was pulled into Jasper’s hips, as a crude form of snuggling. “Hey, remember I have to be up at noon in the latest.”

“Yeah, alright.” She grumbled, clearly trying to doze off.

Even after the previous rut she had thought herself into, Lapis was weary. Unable to sleep again, and anxious, she ended up getting up after an hour of thinking to herself in bed, with Jasper gripping her waist. She might as well get ready early, even extraordinarily so.

The girl gently untangled herself from Jasper’s strong limbs, careful not to wake her. Her girlfriend was a heavy sleeper, though, which was convenient in this situation.

She tiptoed to the bathroom, to start her morning routine. Shower, brush teeth, brush hair, occasionally makeup just for work. Today was a Food Lion day only, so it wasn't too necessary as half the other workers either looked like they did some sort of drug, or actually did them. Lapis, drying her hair half-heartedly with a towel aimlessly glanced around, looking for something to focus on, or even something else to do. She was dressed, hair just needed to be brushed, and makeup took about fifteen minutes at most for a thin layer. It was only 7:30.

Lapis eventually, yet decisively, sat by her computer, pulling up Google. She began her search for local hairdressers and salons.

Maybe she should start thinking about dying her hair. Peridot was right, she did look and feel better with blue hair. It had been a sour reminder, but now an even more bitter reminder actually haunted her.

She had nothing to lose, and truthfully, Peridot knew her better than she knew herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me, I love you all so much. I know it's been a while but if you managed to get to this, thanks. Thank you for the kudos and comments, and sorry about the whole uploading the part of A Battle Worth Fighting thing.


	6. Back in Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, my wifi stopped working fml  
> I'll try and update faster though, maybe I'll come up with a schedule??
> 
> BUTT I made a tumblr!! At this moment it has literally NOTHING on it, and I haven't even made a profile picture yet, but I'm on it. I'll probably post updates there N stuff under the tag Pixel TSOD for this work?? I'll post a lot of art and stuff, probably Lapidot. The details will be up eventually but hmu the URL is Pixel-Painted  
> Ps I have no clue how to like... Establish myself so im probably going to embarrass myself

3 years, 7 weeks  
_______________

“What are you doing?” Peridot asked, rolling onto her back.

“Stuff,” Lapis rapidly typed, barely uttering the words.

The ghost leaned in to look at her computer, causing Lapis to feel warm and shiver at the same time. She continued to type, flying her fingers across the keyboard in a nervous frenzy.

Peridot snorted, falling back into a sitting position again. “Usually I'm the typing one, and you're the bored one.”

“Well, you don't have an eight page essay due tomorrow, and I do.”

“Lapis, I'm _bored_ ,” she groaned again. The girl could almost sense Peridot twiddling with hair, an old habit she did when she was either bored or overly nervous.

She finally looked up, and turned to her best friend. “I'm literally on the conclusion, I'll be just a minute.”

From the silence she received back, Lapis took it that this was a satisfying answer, and motivation to keep quiet. She was used to Jasper being at their apartment, listening to rock or jabbering, or a combination of both. Her being at work gave Lapis the perfect opportunity to get something done, which was the second half of the essay. Peridot had also taken it as an opportunity to come out from hiding and talk her mouth away.

After fierce typing, she finally sighed and shut her laptop. “Okay, I'm done. What now?”

The ghost shrugged, looking genuinely confused. “I honestly didn't think I'd get this far.”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Far? You literally just started a conversation. How's that far?”

“Don't question it, I haven't talked to anyone for a week. I miisss youuu,” she singsonged, leaning in and winking.

“God Dot, you're awfully energetic for a ghost.”

“We thrive on energy. According to the shows. But seriously, I never talk to you.”

Lapis got up, putting her laptop to rest on the dresser, before stretching a little. “And you don't have long. I have an appointment in an hour.”

Peridot raised an eyebrow, crawling to the edge of the bed. “What for?” She asked, curiosity peaking.

“You’ll see. And sorry, I've been busy lately, and Jasper’s been around. She'd kill you if she saw you.”

“Funny,” the ghost muttered dryly in mock anger. “I am utterly terrified of dying.”

The girl groaned, leaving the room to brush her hair out. “Correction; she’d kill me.”

Peridot followed, snickering a little. “See you in hell, then. Because we homosexuals are clearly damned.”

That was a past running joke they'd had, being damned to hell. Both of them had turned out to be gay, and this girl at their school had been openly homophobic. She had also made a joke of herself, leading to their joke later on. 

“Please, Peridot. My hell is being here with you,” she joked back, riffling through the cabinet for toothpaste. Upon finding her prize, she began vigorously brushing her teeth for a moment, because checking her reflection. As of lately, she had begun to stop wearing makeup again, reverting back to her simple look from high school. It was easy, and though her dark circles were evident again, she liked the natural feeling. Maybe others didn't, but Lapis found it nice.

“Again, very funny. Maybe I'm not a ghost, and this is my eternal torment.” She ghost tutted, rolling her eyes. “Seriously, where are you going?”

“This is about the worst eternity you could ever have,” Lapis grinned, while flipping Peridot off. “And again, you'll see later.”

Peridot groaned, shoulders sinking. “It’d better be good.”

The dark-haired girl checked her phone, looking at the time. “Well, I gotta go. I think you'll like it. Jasper shouldn't be back for a while, so knock yourself off while I'm gone!” she called, pulling on her puffy coat. Her place was within walking distance, albeit a rather long walk, but she didn't want to take a bus. Winter was when the weirdest people came on.

Lapis yanked open the door, groaning at the creak it made. “Bye,” she whispered back, careful not to be caught talking to nothing.

She began to traverse, walking the path she had memorized after looking at the map. This wasn't her usual place she got her hair done, she usually did that at home, or Pearl was gracious enough to do it with her eye for detail.

Lapis recounted the encounter, thinking of how weird it must sound. Hell, it _felt_ weird. Not even the talking to her dead best friend, but how easily they slipped back into their past selves, like no time had passed. Oh, how she wished Peridot was alive again. So they could be friends, and go places. She was cute as ever, admittedly, but completely out of her reach. Lapis adored every little thing, and it had been crushing to watch her be reduced to a visage of her past self, no matter how vibrant her personality.

She walked in silence to herself now, trying not to think of how screwed up it felt. Sure, she was happy to see her again. Peridot wasn't going away anytime soon, either. That girl was stubborn, so she grew to accept that she would be talking to her whenever they were alone.

Lapis crossed the final street, barely checking before she did so. The girl hustled across, cheeks beginning to sting from the cold under the collar of the cost which she had nudged her face into.

The salon was young, and looked relatively hip. She walked in, finding her way to receptionist.

“Hello, miss, how may I help you?” A man asked curtly, looking up from his desk.

The girl hesitated, an old nervous habit from when she used to dear strangers. “Uh… I have an appointment with… Rose Quartz.” She remembered the name of the stylist who had been deemed fit for her by the website.

“Ah, you must be Miss Lazuli!” Said a cheery voice, belonging to a woman who stepped into the reception area. “Hello, I'm Rose.”

The woman who had stepped out was very tall, and had a thicker build. Her pale skin looked soft to the touch, almost like a petal, and she was absolutely beautiful. A smile graced her face, with dark brown eyes that greeted her in a friendly way. While Rose was in general, able to be described as _noticeable_ , her most prominent feature was her hair. It was huge, and all dyed a neat, pale pink and rolling in masses over her shoulders and back. No wonder she was a stylist, if she could work with all of that hair. Rose was young, and had to be around only twenty three, and was oddly familiar. 

“Hello, that would be me. Nice to meet you,” she stood up, shaking Rose’s hand.

“Come, follow me,” the woman said with a smile in her voice, gesturing over to a small area that was closed off with all of the usual styling commodities. 

Lapis sat down, following directions. As usual, she avoided looking at herself in the mirror, to her it felt awkward. “So how short would you like it?” The woman asked, lifting a strand.

“Oh, maybe 4 inches off, that's all. I'm mainly here to dye, as you know.”

Rose nodded, beginning to spray and comb with ease. “I can definitely do that.” Lapis had always found it relaxing to get a haircut, and she let herself relax into it.

A few minutes later, she was being taken to wash her hair, then comb, and then finally cut. Before Rose went at it with the scissors, she paused for a moment.

“Pardon my asking, but you by any chance happen to know a Pearl?” She asked, combing through once more.

“Actually, I do,” Lapis replied, “Tall, pale, thin? Big nose?” She confirmed the features.

“Yes, that one,” the woman smiled. “I'm sorry, she told me about her friend Lapis once. It's a sort of memorable name once you hear it. Pearl and I are close.”

The tan girl looked up a little, hearing the first snip. “Oh, she's actually my neighbor and friend as well. I've seen you before, at her apartment, actually. Just didn't remember until now.”

 _Snip._

“What a coincidence!” She exclaimed gently, snipping again. Lapis could now see why Pearl spent a lot of time with this woman. She had definitely heard of Rose, just not by name before. Pearl was practically enamored with her.

The rest of the appointment went smoothly, filled with small talk. The dying was done, her hair was finished, and she was set to go. After paying, she called a gentle “Goodbye,” to Rose, before leaving back into the streets. Her hair was now a dark, vibrant blue. Not quite “default” blue, as she called the color that seemed to match the old Window’s color, but more lively and less harsh on the eye. It was just how it used to be, even. Lapis liked it.

She continued the walk home, fighting the urge to hire an Uber to escape the cold. Honestly, this was the most physical activity she got a week.

By the time it was dead dark, she finally arrived home. It wasn't late, but it was still way past sunset. She unlocked the door walking in quietly. Jasper wasn't home, leaving it to just be her, and somewhere, Peridot.

She fully entered, taking off her coat and making a dash to the thermostat. Lapis was freezing and she ran to get another sweater. Unfortunately, Pearl had borrowed one while her stuff was at the laundromat, so she had to use her second-favorite instead.

“Hey Peridotttt!” She called, walking around the place. Her hair felt so clean, so she instinctually twirled it. “I'm baaack!”

In almost an instant, the girl materialized, shocking Lapis a little. “Wha-?” She muttered, a little tired looking, for a ghost.

“Oh my stars!” She perked up right away. “You dyed it again!

“Mhmm,” the older smirked. “That's why I left. Make sense now?”

“Definitely,” Peridot muttered, admiring it. “It's just like high school again.”

Lapis twirled it again, adoring the blue color was well. “I hope you like it,”

“It's really… You.” Peridot exclaimed, giving Lapis a friendly peck on the cheek, causing her heart to flutter. They used to do that all the time, and it felt strange to do it again… It also felt like something else. More exciting.

She pushed it off, yawning a little. “I might want to sleep.” Lapis blurted, beginning to walk to the bathroom. The ghost follower her, frowning a little bit. 

“Sleep, what a struggle.” She muttered, rolling her eyes.

“Hmm, sassy much?” Lapis brushed her teeth again, before deciding that's all she needed to do that night. “Don't worry, we can probably talk if you're desperate and lonely.” 

“That, I am.” The ghost said, floating to the bed. She hopped on, somehow able to move the covers as if she had mass, and was solid. But she was energy. _To hell with science,_ Lapis thought. She had a ghost living with her now. Her dead best friend.

Over the years they had grown comfortable with each other, enough to be completely naked. Lapis stripped and changed into something warm and comfortable, before joining Peridot. They had their usual sleepover arrangement. Peridot on the right, Lapis the left. It felt right.

“So… How's school?”

“Don't even mention that word…” She groaned, sinking into a state of exhaustion. “Rough. Okay, but rough.”

Peridot sighed, inching in a little. She somehow had warmth, and Lapis didn't shiver this time. “Kinda glad I missed it, kinda not.”

“Peridot, you were the smart one. You should have been going.” Her tone was suddenly serious.

“Well it's you, not me. I can just live vicariously through you.”

Lapis yawned again, unable to keep her eyes open. The difference between now and high school was her lack of energy, now, not her hair.

Apparently Peridot picked up on that, leaning in to snuggle Lapis a little. She was warm, and it was cold, so the girl was welcomed. “Laz, you should just sleep.”

“You sure?” She muttered, eyes half open.

The ghost nodded, closing her own eyes. _Could ghosts sleep?_

Lapis disregarded it, as she finally closed her eyes. Sleep overcame her like a black tide, welcome and warm with Peridot’s arm.

She could really get used to this comfort that she had with Peridot... It was natural, but was it meant to be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thanks for reading! Please leave any recommendations, etc! Love y'all
> 
> Also follow my tumblr pixel-painted ... Shameless self advertising  
> Art will be up this week I promise


	7. The Morning Shift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! My wifi just went out but I got a new router after 4 years of this one failing every other week. Also, I was a bit inactive as my dad was in the hospital recovering from a pretty serious surgery. I still have to take care of him for a while now, but I have more time as he's more independent now.
> 
> Sorry for the wait, I always promise faster updates but they never come. Yike
> 
> Ps follow my tumblr Pixel-Painted ;)))

“Shit, shit!” Lapis yelled to herself, barely pulling herself out of bed. Her phone blared an alarm, of which she had been late for by fifteen minutes. Still half asleep, she ripped herself from the warm sheets, stumbling into the bathroom. No light shone through the small window, due to the time and her early shift, starting at 4 in the morning.

At that moment she swore she hated her life, as she tugged a brush through her freshly-dyed hair. It hadn't even been twelve hours since it was done, and Jasper’s own extremely late shift had kept her from seeing it, or evening knowing it had been done.

Lapis pondered adding makeup. She didn't like to, but sometimes did it for work or to feel fresh. _Fuck it,_ she thought, brushing her teeth. It's not like many people came in at 4 am and really cared. Most people didn't care regardless the time. She didn't care.

After throwing on the required black attire, she threw on her coat and hustled out the door, which had become a regular routine of hers. Her grocery store was close, strategically placed near to the dorms and apartments so college students would be forced to shop there if they wanted to eat anything beside the mediocre food served on campus. This closeness was also convenient as she could walk easily, without relying on public transport or a car.

Just a block away, she made it quickly at a slow jog-shuffle, careful not to slip on the thin layer of snow which had accumulated. Inside, she surprisingly wasn't the first employee to show up for the next shift, as there were similar footprints.

The workers who had the previous late night shift stumbled out, one giggling a little. He was obviously high, probably looking for a pastime as few customers ever came. Lapis snorted, entering the run-down grocery store.

“Hey, dude!” A familiar voice called from somewhere in the fruit section. “Didn't know you had my shift!”

Amethyst strutted out from the lettuce, grinning as she piled on a few carrots haphazardly. Despite her grin, she had deep bags under her dark eyes, a telltale sign she had probably worked one of her other jobs as well.

“Hey Amethyst,” she responded, rubbing her eyes. Lapis wasn't the most talkative, especially when sleep deprived and working in an empty grocery store before the sun was even up. She would rather be back at her apartment, cuddled up, warm in bed with the comfort of Peridot.

However, she wasn't, and people don't always get what they want. What Lapis got instead was a slap on the shoulder from her friend. A cold, wet, slap.

“Oh my god Amethyst!” She called, jerking away. “Is that ice from the produce?”

The latina giggled, jumping away as Lapis playfully hit back. “No, it's your wake up call. Ya look dead.”

The older made her way to the back room, Amethyst on her tail. “Thanks, love you too,” she groaned, putting on her mandatory, yet useless name pin.

“Awww, sweet. But save that for ya girl,” the latina winked, before directing her eyes to Lapis’s neck.

 

“That's not what- ugh,” she hissed, rolling her eyes. “You know what I mean.” She wasn't really catching onto humor, maybe she was just too tired to process anything.

The short girl giggled, hanging at the door frame. “No, silly. Your _neck_ ,” she gestured again.

“ _Shit,_ ” she groaned, realizing Jasper’s mark was still there. Her promiscuous girlfriend had left it in an attempt to apologize, of which Lapis accepted with reluctance.

“Good job,” Amethyst laughed, walking back into the produce. No customer had entered, and it was painfully empty. No sound was there except the background music which usually consisted of overplayed, bland music from the 80’s which had lost its charm after being on a repeated playlist.

Lapis tugged her shirt up, feeling awkward despite the absence of life other than her friend, who had shown up with her own fair share of mysterious marks.

Work usually passed without event, especially the morning hours. They were never busy, and it seemed as if it were a post apocalyptic wasteland in the store, with the perpetual constant mess and reek of skunk from the high kids from the last shift. If it was really post apocalyptic though, Lapis wouldn't want to be trapped in a Food Lion at 4:45 am. She would rather be doing cool shit, like leading a band of rebels with Peridot by her side.

God, she needed _decent_ rest. Her mind was running rampant like a child’s.

Lapis sat on the counter by the registers, staring branding at the door, waiting as the sun rose. Amethyst was fucking around in the corner by the dairy, doing god knows what. Usually Lapis would have joined her, but her mind was busy, and she was too tired to bother this morning. As usual, her mind wandered away into the fog of exhaustion.

She was almost asleep as she sat, mentally drifting further and further away from her surroundings, and Amethyst who was dancing to her own music she had put on. 

The blue-haired girl drifted off, thinking. All of her thoughts passed without her remembering them, as it often happened, like a dream even. Only bits and pieces remained through the storm of sleep deprivation that ravaged her eyes, which burned with tiredness. Those were the shards of Peridot, Jasper, Pearl, and the board. Everything with Peridot came in waves. She would maybe not think about the circumstance with the board for maybe a week, but suddenly remember the reason her friend was back. And then the that Jasper with kick her out or break up if she had known Lapis was talking to a damn _ghost_. The last shard was vague, but dreadful. She wouldn't be able to have a real, open friendship or otherwise with Peri. She wasn't just some cute and sweet girl she could hang out with. She was some cute and sweet ghost, who was dead and completely out of her bounds. Yet that didn't stop her from always wanting to be with her, to make up lost time…

Lapis stopped thinking for a second, and her head slipped off its rest in her palm, bobbing gently as she woke up from her drift. A customer had walked in, causing a gust of cold air to wake her a little. _Finally,_ she thought, watching Amethyst immediately stop her dancing from far away. 

The new customer poked around for a little bit, obviously groggy and tired herself. She didn't speak, but her movements were interesting enough to keep Lapis awake.

The girl prodded aside a few apples to reach a satisfactory one, and Lapis found herself staring out of sheer boredom. Work didn't go fast around Food Lion, and no other employees were needed until more people started coming to shop. That would be in about an hour, unfortunately, and it was just her and Amethyst now.

Speaking of Amethyst, while the girl shopped, her friend had slunk off to the side, pulling out her phone. She had a smug grin on her face, something she only did when something good happened, and sometimes gay. The blue-haired girl decided the would have to interrogate when their shift was over, but for now she had to monitor the store, which was utterly desolate.

Eventually, the girl made her way over with a basket barely-filled with food. Up close, her brown eyes were bright, yet bags sagged beneath them. It was almost like looking into a blonde, messy haired mirror.

“Did you find everything okay?” Lapis muttered the usual words as she swiped items.

“Yes, thank you,” she responded, followed by a yawn. The store was silent except for the music that played and the incessant beeping from the register. While she admitted the girl was cute, she was also really familiar. Her features were similar to someone she know, but she passed it off.

Once payed for and bagged, the girl took her items and left without another word. From that point on, a few more people came in, but time passed achingly slow. Amethyst did little work, occasionally arranging things or pretending to clean, but was usually on her phone, typing quickly.

Lapis ignored it, for the most part, sticking to her job, thinking between customers. That girl was freakishly familiar, but she couldn't put her finger on it. The blond, the glasses, the pointy face. It was warm-familiar, yet confusing. She was too tired to think.

“Hey,” she was startled up from her daydreaming by another voice.

The girl perked up, looking for the speaker. “Hmm?” She asked, upon sighting a coworker.

“You can go, your shift has been done for a few minutes now. Amethyst was waiting for you to go.”

“Oh, thanks!” She exclaimed, collecting herself before running out, finally able to leave the boring place. By now more workers were out, and she was ecstatic to leave the slow-paced job.

She entered the workers room, spotting Amethyst who was still on her phone. The latina was smiling, unable to control herself as she put her phone down. “Hey, Lapis, what's up?” She cooed, leaning against the wall.

“I need to go home and sleep, you?” She asked, barely conscious. Lapis tugged on her coat, ready to leave with the short girl at her side.

“Oh, _nothing,_ ” she purred, bustling with sudden energy, despite early shift. “It’s not like I just got a date or anything.”

That explained the smug looks and the smiling. “Oh really?” She asked, looking sideways at Amethyst. “That has to be a first.”

“Oh shut up.”

“Well, who is it?” She pried, bracing herself as the cold hit her face.

“Well,” she girl chirped. “It's a surprise to you. Can't jinx it, so I'll tell you who it is if it works out. Don't want to tempt fate, ya know?”

“I don't know, but okay,” she responded, stopping at a corner. “I turn here you should remember. Good luck!” She called, turning away from her friend as they both walked.

She walked, hardly noticing the cold as she went. It was lighter now, but bleak grey clouds covered the sky as she made her way up to her door. Pearl could be heard, faintly belting out lyrics as she did something unknown to Lapis. She shrugged, letting herself in.

It was obvious Jasper was home, by the loud footsteps from the hall. By the sound of it, she was getting ready to sleep, maybe after eating something.

“Babe?” She called, taking off her coat. “I'm home.”

A loud voice replied, getting louder as she walked to the room. “Hey, Laz! How wa-” her voice cut off itself with a look of shock.

“What?” She asked, unaware of her shock.

“Your hair,” is all she said, eying it over and over again.

“Oh, yeah,” she muttered, twirling it a little. “I got it done. Is that a good surprise or a bad surprise?”

Jasper thought, looking it over. “It's… A surprise.” She grunted. It was clear she wasn't a huge fan, but Lapis felt sudden restored confidence with the new color.

While the lack of enthusiasm, unlike Peridot, was somewhat off putting, she was honestly too tired to care. Jasper walked out, obviously drained and unwilling to care. Lapis followed like some tired, stumbling dog, barely having enough energy to change into shorts.

She fell into bed, next to Jasper. She was huge, yet still didn't feel as warm and gentle as Peridot did. Whatever, she was exhausted. It felt like Lapis only slept when she was drunk or simply too tired to keep her eyes open, and she had reached her brink.

While it was still early in the day, Lapis passed out next to Jasper again. She wished it was her bet friend, but people didn't always get what they wanted, did they? Jasper just seemed too cold now.

Something living, colder than a ghost? She would have laughed out loud if Lapis had more energy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for everything. Prepare for the homosexuality to increase.
> 
> Ps I'm going through all my older chapters soon and fixing some mistakes. They are a shitstorm of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. My bad


	8. Ghosts Don't Go Clubbing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot sneaks out, while Lapis spends a usual night working.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH sorry I'm taking so long. No excuse, just writer's and art block at the same time. Ugh.  
> I did get my laptop fixed (which was apparently supposed to be "unfixable" in its condition but who am I to question it) so typing will be a little bit easier with hopefully less typos! 90% of my typos are autocorrect changing my correctly-written words to be bad.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!

3 years, 8 weeks

_______________

 

“Heyyy babe,” a drunk girl slurred, falling messily into a booth. Lapis slunk out from behind her post at the bar, ready to assist or order. Instead, the girl simply passed out, out and asleep like a rock in an instant. She would just have to watch over the girl from the bar, Lapis supposed.

It was a night at the club now, with Amethyst as usual. Nothing new, just walk around, maybe serve or work at the bar when needed, nothing much. She didn't do actual shows much after she got on her mother’s good side again after coming out, and didn't need as much to live. Instead, she made it on tips from other activities, wherever she was assigned the night.

At her club, it was a fluid schedule, so anyone would simply be told what they needed to do, and they would. Shows were different, as they had actual performers which she had been an amateur to, but everything else was less exclusive.

However, this job entitled drunk girls and guys alike, and the occasional creep. Jasper worked as a bouncer and guard, while Lapis manned part of the bar tonight. 

“Hey, Lapis!” A voice called loudly, signaling Amethyst. “What's up!”

Lapis groaned a little, playfully rolling her eyes. “You're late to your shift again. I don't know why you aren't fired yet.”

The latina grinned, leaning into the bar. “I'm too cool to be fired. This place would _crumble_ without me.”

“You keep telling yourself that if that's how you get a little sleep,” Lapis snorted, giving her friend a sideways look. “Now help me with this bar, and keep an eye on that sleeping girl over there.”

“Shit, another sleeper?” Amethyst asked, raising an eyebrow as she got herself to work.

“Don't say _sleeper_ like it’s a regular thing, that was just this and last week.”

Amethyst didn't respond as someone came up, asking for a drink. She got to work, whizzing around. This was where Amethyst excelled, and really got out of her already-thin shell. Despite the girl’s multiple jobs, she had the most devotion here. This was a good thing, of course, as they pay and tips were high. Some people were too drunk to discern between a good and _very_ good tip, and while they neither actively tried to pry money from them, nor accepted tips that were too large, they earned a large sum of money.

In almost an instant, Amethyst slid the drink over almost as if it were a saloon in the movies. She sported a cattish grin as the customer thanked her.

“Ugh, Ame, you try too hard,” Lapis teased as she mockingly rolled her eyes. 

The girl directed her grin at Lapis now, looking comfortable as if she were in a hot tub, or in bed even. “I just have raw talent in the trade.”

The blue-haired girl giggled, bringing her palm to her forehead. “Well, you keep telling yourself that.”

About an hour passed, with people asking for drinks every minute. The two whipped the up, occasionally exchanging joking or snarky remarks. A few people were trying to make small talk, and the drunk girl had finally woken and now had another girl on her lap, kissing drunkenly.

In a short minute with almost no people getting drinks, Lapis allowed herself to lean down on the bar, and look hazily out through tired eyes. Her eyes scanned the club, taking in the familiar scene. It was dimly lit, yet the few lights were mostly on the main area.

Suddenly, there was a familiar flash on blonde, messy hair. In the corner by an exit, the girl whom it belonged to looked around, somewhat on edge. It couldn't be though, Peridot wouldn't show herself in public.

Yet her it was. Lapis bit her lip to keep herself from shrieking, almost lurching immediately over as a first instinctual reaction. Maybe it was only her who saw, or nobody even thought Peridot was a ghost. She looked like someone who had come to appease her friends, eventually ditching them, Lapis had seen them before.

“Dude, you okay? You just look like you got punched in the stomach by a train.” Amethyst said, giving her a sidelong look.

“Hey, sorry,” she tried to collect herself, gaining the courage to look up again. “I gotta take a break real quick. Can you cover?” She asked, already leaving.

Amethyst sighed, nodding. “You have like, five minutes. I can't handle the bar by myself too long, even if I am significantly better at it than you.”

Without a response, the girl was already marching to the corner, approaching the ghost. People made way for her as she walked, ready to push others aside. Instead of turning into the bathrooms, Lapis grabbed Peridot by the wrist, yanking her out the back exit.

A couple was making out just outside, clearly getting intimate. “Move,” Lapis growled, causing them to dart away.

Peridot stood petrified, a look of shock on her face, even. “Uh… Hey?”

“The hell are you doing here?” The girl hissed, holding back her urge to pace as she was fired up. “What if you were seen? You know Jasper and Amethyst have seen pictures of you. And they are both _here._ You stand out, you borderline _glow,_ Peridot! What would happen then?”

The ghost gave an indignant look, almost glaring with her intense eyes. “Well nice to see you too. Well, first, I was bored. Second, no one cares. They're drunk. And third, you look like an idiot talking to a glowing ghost girl. Not my problem.”

Peridot gave a smug look as if she had won something.

“Peri, it's unsafe,” she muttered, glaring subtly at her friend. “You know that.”

“It's not like anyone can hurt me, I'm, like, dead,” the girl justified, letting herself fade from vision and then returning to prove a point. “It's okay, I'm not hurting anyone, and no one is hurting me. Man, I just gotta get out. Your apartment is all I've seen for weeks.”

Lapis rolled her eyes again, a little less playfully than before, yet not with disgust. “Fine. But don't complain if someone sees you and freaks out.”

“Sound cool,” the ghost grinned. “Alright, bye. I'll be in the corner or bathroom!”

“Don't be a creep!” She muttered, following her friend back in. For someone who wasn't usually good with parties, Peridot was excited. Maybe about seven weeks in an apartment would do that to someone. However, a bathroom or deserted corner usually wasn't where the party was at its strongest.

The blue-haired girl made her way back to the bar, where Amethyst was finalizing another drink. “Took too long! You gotta buy me a drink now.”

“Hey! We didn't agree on that!” She squealed, blocking a joking punch in the shoulder. “You only said five minutes!”

“Well, you didn't come back in five minutes. Give me straight up vodka.” The girl grinned expectantly, looking at her friend.

“You're ridiculous,” Lapis mumbled, but did as told. “I'll pay on my way out.”

The girl poured the drink into a glass, handing it over. Her friend took a drink, and laughed as she brought the glass down. “I gotta start manipulating you more often.”

“I'm fine without, thanks,” she hissed jokingly, this time nudging Amethyst back.

Another hour passed, and people stopped ordering as many drinks, as most settled down to talk, simply watch, or even dance themselves. The club was a versatile place for everyone.

The clock she had slipped herself behind the counter read 12:30. She had brought one in after she realized she couldn't read the one in the dark corner for everyone to see, and no one had really been opposed to her communal gift.

 _Three hours left,_ she thought to herself, leaning forward onto the bar with her forearms.

“Dude, I gotta pee. Be back in a minute,” Amethyst called, leaving the bar to Lapis.

“If you take longer than a minute, you're buying me a drink _and_ I don't have to pay for yours.”

The latina laughed, practically strutting away.

“Excuse me?” A voice called out from the other half of the bar.

Before Lapis even looked up, she responded. “Hey, what can I get you?” She asked, raising her gaze.

A familiar blonde was standing in front of her, looking highly uncomfortable.

“P-” Lapis muttered, before stopping herself. No, this wasn't a familiar blonde. Peridot was still in the corner, this was just some Peridot look-alike.

Oh. The girl from the grocery store. Lapis barely could tap into the memory as that morning had been spent barely staying awake and conscious.

“I'll just have a rum and coke,” the girl muttered sheepishly, sliding herself onto a chair. Jeez, she was like Peridot had been before they started hanging out years ago. And Peridot had been out of her element in virtually every situation where she had to talk to strangers. It was endearing, but she had grown out of it. Lapis supposed this girl had not.

“Right up,” she affirmed, getting to work on the simple drink.

“So,” the blue hair woman tried to make talk as she dumped the ice in gently. “I haven't really seen you around here. Are you not from here, or just don't go _here_?”

“Oh, I'm just in for a while. I considered the college here a while back, and might transfer in if I like the area.” The girl responded, avoiding eye contact. Sheepish was an understatement.

Lapis slid the quickly-completely drink over, almost like Amethyst. “Well, welcome then. It's pretty okay here when it's not winter, I promise.”

Just as the girl was about to speak again, Amethyst returned with a pout on her face.

“Took over a minute! Ha, you have to get me something now,” Lapis laughed, turning her attention away quickly.

“There was a line.” The girl grumbled, almost slamming a glass on the counter. “What'll it be, _your highness_?”

Lapis thought a little bit, before deciding. “I'm think fancy… Maybe a cosmopolitan?” She grinned, earning a death-glare from Amethyst.

“I only wanted vodka!” The girl groaned in complaint.

“That's a you-problem.”

Amethyst pulled up an almost-empty bottle of whiskey, shoving it over. “This is what you get.”

Lapis shrugged, taking a drink. Far from fancy, but good enough. It burned, and she could hardly hold back the wincing. Despite working in a bar, she really didn't drink too much herself. Every once in a while she went all-out and had fun, like with Amethyst. And when she went all out, it was _all out_.

The Peridot-like girl watched uncomfortably, eventually finishing her drink which she had nursed for a while. Lapis felt bad not talking to her, yet was also caught up with customers and Amethyst. At some point she left, and soon after, her shift was over.

“Hey! Lapis! Lapis! Lazuli!” A voice hissed, close to being inaudible. “Over here!”

Lapis looked up, seeing the source of the voice. Naturally, as any voice from the sky would be, Peridot was hovering up by the ceiling, hidden to customers by an overhang.

Unable to speak without looked crazy, the blue-haired woman signaled with her eyes to the exit again. “Bye Ame!” She called as nonchalantly as possible, scurrying out of the bar to the back door again.

Peridot was something already there, grinning elfishly as usual. “Dude, did you see that girl? She looked like me!”

“I noticed, Peridot. Trust me. Now let's go home?” She asked, though she meant it as a command.

“I haven't been out in soooo long, I forgot there were like, that many people! And no one even looked at me! There was that one really cute girl, shame she isn't a ghost too…” Peridot ranted on as she usually did when excited. What was just another day for Lapis was a whole new experience for her friend.

“Okay, but that blonde girl,” Peridot returned to the subject. “That was freaky, right?”

“I mean, a little,” Lapis said, shuffling her feet as she walked in plain sight with a ghost. “Didn't think much of it. She was cute though.”

“Uh, don't you mean I look cute? We like, look the same.” Peridot challenged her, amused.

“Eh,” Lapis shrugged, looking up to make eye contact. “You're a lil cuter though. Peri-” she raised her hand, bopping Peridot gently on the nose “-dot!” She completed the name as she touched the nose.

“Ugh,” Peridot laughed, “That was like, in 7th grade. Why did you bring the boop back?”

“Dude, it was like, junior year,” Lapis retorted playfully, walking into the night.

She could almost forget her best friend was dead, and she probably looked odd as she spoke. But Lapis didn't really care that much, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you so much for reading and everything! You're all so cool and nice aaa
> 
> ps my tumblr is pixel-painted maybe I'll actually get to posting stuff once my art block passes

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so tell me if you want me to continue this?
> 
> Any recommendations, thoughts, or advice are encouraged and welcomed! Thank you.


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